Back to basics

A primer for the overwhelmed human

Back in 2023, lo those centuries ago it seems, when I was deep in the mire of burnout and looking for ways to come back to myself, I realized that I had so identified with my work that I wasn’t able to connect with myself apart from my professional identity. Our culture, especially our work culture is steeped in this “we are what we do” mentality. When we meet someone new it’s often the second or third question asked of us and will immediately begin to shape someone’s understanding of how we fit in the world. We are what we do.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the past month of frantic, urgent messaging in the face of the imminent constitutional crisis. The overwhelming message of DO SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING, DO, DO, DO…..is deafening, and for me it brings with it a tide of anxiety and urgency, mixed with a pervasive futility, when it doesn’t work and we are entreated to then do more, be louder, speak to these people not those people. I do think our attention and further our action is important, but it’s exhausting. I’m exhausted, which means everything is going according to the insidious plan…I guess…or we’re doing what we’ve always done because it’s what’s familiar.

But we’re not in Kansas anymore, if we ever truly were, and because I’m starting to feel like I did at my lowest point of burnout from the simplest acts of living, I’m leaning into the practices I established during those critical months, some of which I’ve kept since 2023, and some of which fell away when they weren’t as necessary. If you’ve been around a bit, you’ll be familiar with some of these tools, but bear with me because I have the inklings of a fun idea I want to discuss at the end.

Eating and Sleeping

Let’s just start with the basics. For me, an early clue that my mental health is going off the rails is when I begin indulging in revenge bedtime procrastination. Because I spend time - too much, a lot, somebody stop me- doom scrolling and ruminating during the day, when it’s time to turn out the light, even when I’m tired, I resist either by playing games on my phone or by reading, often by switching back and forth between the two. The more exhausted I become, the less equipped I feel to navigate the barrage of daily events and information and the more I fall into patterns of doom scrolling and rumination. You see where this is headed. There are literally millions of articles on the internet about the importance of sleep, tips for better sleep, and building a bedtime routine so I won’t repeat that information here. But I will say, I’m back on the bedtime routine bandwagon, and aiming for 7 hours of sleep, or 6-6.5 with a nap the next day.

I seldom talk about food and eating in this space because it can be such a minefield. I’m not actually going to start today except to say, my appetite right now is garbage. I literally and unironically said, I probably can’t keep living on popcorn, crackers and ice cream to my spouse the other day. I’m not eating and when I do eat, planning seems slippery and complicated so I reach for the easiest thing, which, when it’s unsatisfying, causes me to walk away without eating. Repeat every three hours. So I’m setting a low bar for myself. Eat 3 meals a day, include some plants in each meal. That’s it. No restrictions, just two simple supports. We need to eat, and we all know, the more nutritious our options, the better we feel. I don’t have the mental energy to undergo a dietary overhaul right now, but I can stop robbing myself of energy and capacity with my eating choices. I also have a good daily multi-vitamin and a few supplements that my medical team and I agree are of benefit to me.

Eating and sleeping seem so simple and obvious, but they really are the foundational elements that can help us to gird ourselves to feel better physically which has a direct impact on our mental and emotional lives as well.

Intentionality

When I thought about the next things I’m implementing, I couldn’t figure out how to define them. They feel scattered and rather random. They are also specifically chosen with myself in mind, meaning they may not work for everyone, but I am certain that making intentional choices is something can benefit each of us, so even if my specific practices aren’t your thing, intentionally creating space for practices which are your thing is a worthwhile effort.

• Tracking. I mentioned earlier that ruminating is one of my specific challenges. It robs me of my ability to focus or concentrate and sends me into an anxiety spiral that is hard to escape. Tracking is something I do that helps me create and follow a plan and more importantly, see my successes. I use several tools to do this.
  
  On my phone, I have a habit tracking app (currently I’m tracking water intake, morning movement, morning journal, daily vitamin, daily walk, reading log and bedtime.) Seeing those checkmarks add up and fill in the grid, is very rewarding to me.
  
  I use my morning journal to track my moods, interested and goals. I don’t call them morning pages because I don’t follow that specific method, but like morning pages, it’s very stream of consciousness, without editing. These journals aren’t ones I keep for posterity.

  
  Because sometimes picking up the phone feels stressful to me - too much contact with the outside world! - I have a to-do pad where I scribble things that are relevant only for that day. Again, crossing things off helps me.
  
  This brings me to my evening 1-3 sentence journal which has a recurring entry for every day over a 5 year period. I’ve been pretty slack in keeping this but I want to do better. I was very inspired by the daybook concept when I read The Frozen River earlier this year.
  
  I end the night by updating my reading log and tracker on the Storygraph.
  
  I know I’m more motivated by lists and tracking than most and that this level of documentation is beyond what the average person needs. But when I feel unfocused and unsatisfied with life in general, these tools help me gauge what is real and what is a story my emotions are telling that may or may not be based in reality, and how to help those emotions align.

• Breathwork. Once again, there are many, many articles on breathwork available on the internet. There are several ways I integrate this mental stillness into my days. I have a daily yoga practice. Again, I set the bar low for maximum success. If I do even 2 poses while concentrating on my breath, then I have practiced that day. Usually, once I get moving I work through multiple poses while mindfully matching my breath to the movements. Every time my mind wanders, and it does wander often, I pull it back to focus and simply breath. In and out while I move in ways that both strengthen and relax my body.
  
  Meditation is something I’ve practiced for years and still consider myself barely a beginner. I can hear you now, I can’t meditate because I can’t empty my mind. I need to tell you friend, if your mind is a wild, monkey clamor and you are noticing it, then you are meditating. Far from the act of emptying, meditation is intentional observation of how our mind works, sometimes for us but often against us. Dan Harris is one of the substack accounts I financially support for his practical approach to meditation (if you aren’t woo-woo, Dan Harris is your friend). I also benefit from a subscription to the Calm app through my place of employment. Right now when everything feels complicated, and I am struggling to focus, examining my thoughts is one of the best ways to care for myself, helping me to unravel my desperate ruminations and find space to hear my calm, healthy, more balanced self.
  
  Breathing exercises are my final piece of my breathwork practice. I don’t know how many times a day I simply stop and take 3 deep breaths in and out, while focusing only on the feeling of breathing, but I know it’s often. If that doesn’t work, I try stepping away to a quiet place and engaging in a few minutes of box breathing. At night, when I finally relent and turn the lights out, I get into my coziest sleep position and take ten deep breaths. Usually I fall asleep before I get to ten, if not, I’ll put on a sleep meditation. For this, I use the Calm app but there are many free options on Youtube and Spotify. Usually simply having a voice to follow into sleep will stop my brain’s constant clamor.

• Nature. Perhaps you aren’t as into nature as I am, after all there are dirt, bugs and the air isn’t climate controlled, but for me, simply being outside is a sure way to send my body into a pattern of slowing and relaxing. Even though it’s February and the weather is showing off a bit, I’m trying to intentionally get outside for a every day. Often that’s simply going for a short walk, or sitting on the back deck with a book. On warmer days, I’m preparing some outside areas for gardening. On days when I work, I try to step outside and stretch a bit every couple hours. When the weather permits, I take my dinner in the outdoor employee area.

While this may seem like an overload of information, I spend less than an hour each day on these activities. For many, I find ways to incorporate them into what I am already doing, like eating outside or meditating while going to sleep. I can get two yoga poses done while my coffee brews in the morning. I drink my first big glass of water while waiting for our doggo to eat breakfast so I can take him outside. Trial and error have helped to determine what fits in my life, and ways to make them simple and inviting. Setting the bar low means easy success and right now, I think we all could do with as many easy wins as we can get.

Connection

When it comes to being an introvert, I’m about as far over on the introvert end of the spectrum as you can go. I’m also the loudest introvert you may ever meet. My need for time alone is very high, almost as high as the volume level when I’m in a room full of people I love and who have earned my trust by forgoing small talk to discuss things such as how they are healing from trauma, and what book from their childhood can they still recite word for word. In a time when everyone seems to be shouting an urgent message, I find myself craving real human connection more than ever.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that technology isn’t part of that toolbox either. I know full well that we can achieve and maintain a connection through our devices, although it takes a different kind of effort. Both my coven and my book bestie live in my phone and the daily strings of conversation and chatty videos are gentle, persistent touchstones reminding me who I am over and over again. Decades of friendship can do that for us.

Besides technology, over the last few years, I’ve gone old school when it comes to connection. In the midst of burnout, I determined that I wanted to become a letter writer. The idea of long, conversations through writing, of sitting still for long periods to generate those conversations, of smooth pens and beautiful paper, of taking the time to tell a story was so appealing, I knew I wanted to try it. Not being sure where to start, I asked a group of friends for their address and started there, month by month, letter by letter. Since then, I’ve joined a pen pal group, which has been extremely enjoyable. Every week, I sit and try to craft love into words on paper, talking about my life or current events, responding to their questions and asking my own. Finally, I wrap everything in an envelope and wait a month or more for a response. It’s slow. It takes time. It’s pure enjoyment.

Despite my introverted ways, another way I connect is through interest groups. I currently participate in two book clubs in two different cities. One is a group that’s been meeting for seven years in my former hometown. When we moved, I immediately looked for a more local book club to join as well. This week, I’m trying something new by attending a meeting with a local climate activist group, which seems very organized and action oriented. I have enjoyed my book groups so much that I feel like expanding to another area of interest is a no brainer. One thing this move has taught me is that a local support network doesn’t simply happen, I have to seek it out and plug myself in where I find spaces that fit.

This brings me to an idea I’ve been considering which relates to several mental health tools I’ve shared today. I think I’d like to start a book club on Storygraph, but of a very specific kind. There are so many people already discussing current events with much more expertise that I need a break from that noise not more ruminating on it. I call myself a snobby reader with my fiction, tending to avoid mainstream best sellers. I’m following along several slow reads of classics here on substack and don’t feel a need to add to my voice.

What I enjoy, and seldom see a group opportunity for, is nature oriented books. I shared several in my post Books that Help. I think I’d like to use the Storygraph’s buddy read feature to start just such a group. We could call it, The Nature of Reading. If that is something that interests you, leave a comment or send a message and I’ll start organizing. You will need to join The Storygraph, which is completely free. It’s up to you if you want to use it beyond the buddy read feature.

Whew! If you made it this far, thanks for reading all those words. I’m often prone to more introspective, storytelling type essays, but lately, I feel like many of us need some simple, grounding actions to help us keep our heads above the swirling waters of current events far more than we need my naval gazing, no matter how lyrical or riveting. Please share in the comments if you have tools for mental health that work for you. The more we share, the more we’re able to help ourselves and each other. And don’t forget to speak up if you want to know more about the read-along. Asking isn’t committing!